Hubby pointed out, I believe as more of a compliment, that I've become quite lazy as a vegan. I thought about it and realized I've grown slightly lazier with each child. As many do, I started off at the "extreme" of taking my Animal ingredients book to the store, writing companies with questionable ingredients, and always believing I am better off safe than sorry with any uncertain ingredients. Somewhere along the way, I developed more of a "What I don't know won't hurt me" approach, and chose to often dine blindly because, well, it's easier!
I've tried to rationalize and justify my behavior in many ways. "Andy and the kids are vegetarian now, so doesn't it even out?" It will never be balanced as long as I continue to contribute to the suffering and slaughtering of the innocent, be it intentional or unintentional.
"I have three kids! I don't have time to write companies and ask if the ingredient in question is plant or animal derived." Maybe not, but I do have the choice of not buying any food with questionable ingredients.
Andy's goal for August was to stop eating meat, which we then challenged the girls as well. They did it, and now they are getting used to the new lifestyle. For september, my goal is to start living as an active vegan again and be an example for my children. I will not force a vegan diet on them, but I do hope one day they choose to make the change.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Watch and Learn
Watch and Learn is a phrase I have on our "record keeping" program. It is Andi's favorite thing to say, and I try to keep that phrase in mind when raising my daughters now. When Andi told me she was ready to ride her bike without training wheels, even though I tried to tell her she wasn't, she tried one time and rode for a second before losing balance, then she tried again and succeeded. When she showed us she could go faster, or turn, or use her brakes she would always say "Watch and learn guys". Yes. Watch and learn. So simple. Watch your children, and learn what makes them happy. Let your children WATCH you, and learn by example. This is what parenting is about, but I strayed from that.
Years ago, when I met my husband we talked about our views on education, and how we both firmly believed that children were meant to explore, experience, and ENJOY life. We believed that kids should not spend their days stuck in a school desk hoping the teacher doesn't call on them to solve a problem on the board, knowing that it would leave them feeling humiliated in front of all their class mates. We believed that as adults, we have the freedom to search for job options that free us from long, boring, monotonous, purposeless days that leave us feeling unsatisfied and unfulfilled, and instead we seek jobs that fit our lifestyle and personality so we can leave feeling fulfilled. If adults exercise that freedom, why do we teach our kids that those long monotonous days are simply to prepare them for life? Why do we always feel that negative exposure prepares our children for "The real world"? Well, somewhere in the midst of worrying about record keeping, hour requirements for the state of wisconsin, and proving to others that home school wasn't the wrong choice for my family we forgot about those questions we originally posed.
We schooled at home. The parts that were good, were the moments that I followed my instincts and did NOT school at home, but mostly it was a struggle for the entire family. Not because Ashlyn had trouble learning. Not because I don't have patience to home school. Not because I was pregnant, and not because my kids needed to take me seriously as a teacher.
I won't revisit what our days were, but I will say the girls began to ask with dread in their tone "Is today a school day?" School day? We weren't supposed to have "school days"! How did this happen? It took a lot of late night conversations between hubby and myself for us to come to terms that we were having trouble unschooling the girls because we havn't unschooled ourselves(as I think mentioned in a book that I'd love to read.) For me though, it was mostly about state laws and proving to others that I am capable of home schooling my children. I didn't have much support, and perhaps a lot of it is because I have a GED, not a diploma, and I am able to admit that I struggle a lot with math. If I struggle with algebra, how can I teach it to my kids? I also had a wake up call when I took a math class a little more advanced than what I was prepared for at UWEC, which was a summer course, and very fast paced. It became my goal to make sure ashlyn doesn't have the troubles with math that I had growing up. Now it's clear, and I hope the damage isn't unrepairable. I didn't struggle with math because of lack of exposure. I struggled with math because my earlier exposures of math were bad experiences. I, as most children, was expected to spend hours attempting to memorize answers until the big test at the end of the week. When you remember something by attempting to force your brain to remember it, you are not likely to understand it enough to continue building on it, and have a great chance of forgetting later.
Our children deserve more respect. A child naturally retains information more quickly than an adult, without flash cards, or tests or any other repetitive exercises. A baby doesn't learn to talk by force, but on its own time.
Having said this, the public school year is nearing, and I thought at this time I would be a nervous wreck getting school lessons planned, and anticipated stress for september. Instead, we have spent the month of August all getting used to what we originally planned before Ashlyn became "school age"; something kids do naturally, but adults often forget how-LIVE LIFE.
Years ago, when I met my husband we talked about our views on education, and how we both firmly believed that children were meant to explore, experience, and ENJOY life. We believed that kids should not spend their days stuck in a school desk hoping the teacher doesn't call on them to solve a problem on the board, knowing that it would leave them feeling humiliated in front of all their class mates. We believed that as adults, we have the freedom to search for job options that free us from long, boring, monotonous, purposeless days that leave us feeling unsatisfied and unfulfilled, and instead we seek jobs that fit our lifestyle and personality so we can leave feeling fulfilled. If adults exercise that freedom, why do we teach our kids that those long monotonous days are simply to prepare them for life? Why do we always feel that negative exposure prepares our children for "The real world"? Well, somewhere in the midst of worrying about record keeping, hour requirements for the state of wisconsin, and proving to others that home school wasn't the wrong choice for my family we forgot about those questions we originally posed.
We schooled at home. The parts that were good, were the moments that I followed my instincts and did NOT school at home, but mostly it was a struggle for the entire family. Not because Ashlyn had trouble learning. Not because I don't have patience to home school. Not because I was pregnant, and not because my kids needed to take me seriously as a teacher.
I won't revisit what our days were, but I will say the girls began to ask with dread in their tone "Is today a school day?" School day? We weren't supposed to have "school days"! How did this happen? It took a lot of late night conversations between hubby and myself for us to come to terms that we were having trouble unschooling the girls because we havn't unschooled ourselves(as I think mentioned in a book that I'd love to read.) For me though, it was mostly about state laws and proving to others that I am capable of home schooling my children. I didn't have much support, and perhaps a lot of it is because I have a GED, not a diploma, and I am able to admit that I struggle a lot with math. If I struggle with algebra, how can I teach it to my kids? I also had a wake up call when I took a math class a little more advanced than what I was prepared for at UWEC, which was a summer course, and very fast paced. It became my goal to make sure ashlyn doesn't have the troubles with math that I had growing up. Now it's clear, and I hope the damage isn't unrepairable. I didn't struggle with math because of lack of exposure. I struggled with math because my earlier exposures of math were bad experiences. I, as most children, was expected to spend hours attempting to memorize answers until the big test at the end of the week. When you remember something by attempting to force your brain to remember it, you are not likely to understand it enough to continue building on it, and have a great chance of forgetting later.
Our children deserve more respect. A child naturally retains information more quickly than an adult, without flash cards, or tests or any other repetitive exercises. A baby doesn't learn to talk by force, but on its own time.
Having said this, the public school year is nearing, and I thought at this time I would be a nervous wreck getting school lessons planned, and anticipated stress for september. Instead, we have spent the month of August all getting used to what we originally planned before Ashlyn became "school age"; something kids do naturally, but adults often forget how-LIVE LIFE.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
No, I would not be more comfortable in the bathroom
Sunday morning my husband Andrew, my youngest daughter Andi and Avery, my 4 month old son were sitting with me in the local UUC. Around 10:30 Avery began to get sleepy and wanted to nurse as he does about every morning around this time. My husband is quite used to me nursing the baby in public and thinks nothing of it normally, which is why his reaction surprised me and bothered me a little as well.
While I nursed Avery, he made all of the wonderful sounds babies often make. He gulped hard, moaned, hummed, threw his arm in the air, pulled my shirt...all the things that we normally laugh about how cute and sweet it is when he does it. However, I noticed my husband glancing around uncomfortably in fear that it was making OTHERS uncomfortable.
Why are we so focused on how others may be feeling? Further more, when are people going to start realizing that my baby is SUPPOSED to enjoy being at the breast. I hear people say things like "I don't see a problem with a woman breastfeeding in public if you can't tell what she is doing." Do you ask the girl shaking a bottle violently in the air, and testing the temperature on her arm in front of everyone to stop drawing attention to herself?
I wish this country could see things for what they were meant to be. I destroyed my milk supply with my youngest daughter because of my fear of making someone uncomfortable. Those 15 months were hell, and they should have been the greatest. I didn't go out, I dreaded family dinners, I didn't welcome company with open arms and when she was hungry I did all I could to rush people out the door. But why? Why is giving life to my child the way I was designed to considered dirty?
With my son, I feel so free now that I KNOW my legal rights, and I couldn't care less if others are bothered. Well, that's not true. It breaks my heart that people feel the way they do. Sitting in church was a major wake up call when I saw discomfort in the eyes of my husband while his baby was comforted. Many of us, myself included, have come a long way but there is still a long way to go. I hope one day my daughters will sit without embarrassment at family cookouts and feed their young the way they were meant to. I hope my son will sit proudly beside his wife while his son or daughter nurses from her body. And I hope that no matter where they are, those around them will never try to make them feel ashamed.
While I nursed Avery, he made all of the wonderful sounds babies often make. He gulped hard, moaned, hummed, threw his arm in the air, pulled my shirt...all the things that we normally laugh about how cute and sweet it is when he does it. However, I noticed my husband glancing around uncomfortably in fear that it was making OTHERS uncomfortable.
Why are we so focused on how others may be feeling? Further more, when are people going to start realizing that my baby is SUPPOSED to enjoy being at the breast. I hear people say things like "I don't see a problem with a woman breastfeeding in public if you can't tell what she is doing." Do you ask the girl shaking a bottle violently in the air, and testing the temperature on her arm in front of everyone to stop drawing attention to herself?
I wish this country could see things for what they were meant to be. I destroyed my milk supply with my youngest daughter because of my fear of making someone uncomfortable. Those 15 months were hell, and they should have been the greatest. I didn't go out, I dreaded family dinners, I didn't welcome company with open arms and when she was hungry I did all I could to rush people out the door. But why? Why is giving life to my child the way I was designed to considered dirty?
With my son, I feel so free now that I KNOW my legal rights, and I couldn't care less if others are bothered. Well, that's not true. It breaks my heart that people feel the way they do. Sitting in church was a major wake up call when I saw discomfort in the eyes of my husband while his baby was comforted. Many of us, myself included, have come a long way but there is still a long way to go. I hope one day my daughters will sit without embarrassment at family cookouts and feed their young the way they were meant to. I hope my son will sit proudly beside his wife while his son or daughter nurses from her body. And I hope that no matter where they are, those around them will never try to make them feel ashamed.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Introducing Avery Ray
On January 30th, 3 days past my due date my husband and I went to the mall to walk around and try to let gravity do it's part. At 8:00 pm, just as I was about to give up, I began having pains in my lower abdomen and lower back. We went home after I began feeling too uncomfortable to keep walking. We tucked the girls in and went to bed, but I couldn't fall asleep because I couldn't stop timing contractions. At 11:30 the pain was getting stronger, and the pressure was stronger than I remembered ever feeling with my daughters so we went to the hospital. I hadn't thought about not being able to move around once I went to the hospital because of the heart monitor. Labor was slow partial back labor. My water broke at 7:30, and about three hours later I still was making no progress, other than very intense contractions every 3 minutes. I was running out of energy faster and faster so at 10:30 am after being told they'd probably be inducing labor in three more hours I recieved an epidural. I got a little sleep, and before they gave me the pitocin they checked around 12:00 pm and I was ready to push. I barely had the energy, but it hardly took any time at all. At 12:31 pm Jan 31st 2010 Avery Ray was born. He was 7 lbs 13 oz and 19 3/4 inches...My smallest baby yet. He is perfectly healthy, and worth all of the pain before, during, and after birth. He is loved by his mommy and daddy and his big sisters as well. He is nursing well, which after the complications I had with trying to nurse a baby with severe colic for 15 months, it is a relief to know he is getting enough. He's also a great co-sleeper. =) My oldest slept better near our bed, not in it.
With the third child, Ive come to realize some things:
1. I could do it over and over again
2. crying has never made me angry, but used to make me very nervous with oldest, less with Andi, and now not at all.
3. my family is complete
4. there isnt an age i dont like so far.
5. i do believe in love at first sight...its happened to me three times
With the third child, Ive come to realize some things:
1. I could do it over and over again
2. crying has never made me angry, but used to make me very nervous with oldest, less with Andi, and now not at all.
3. my family is complete
4. there isnt an age i dont like so far.
5. i do believe in love at first sight...its happened to me three times
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